Dear April
Dear April,
I’m writing to let you know I can finally forgive you. For as long as I can remember, this particular month has kicked my emotional rear-end, making me question many parts of myself, and the world in which I live. Yes, April brings the dreaded New England rain, mud, pollen and dog hair that have tested my sanity, but, for me April has been more than that…
Here’s a little look back…
Throughout my years in corporate, since April marks the beginning of Q2, if Q1 didn’t go well, we knew we were in for it. The new year goals, objectives and budgets were flipped upside down, and so began the cycles of pause, panic, pivot, perform & repeat that would define the rest of the year.
In motherhood, April always marked longer days, later bedtimes, the reality of 2ish months left of school, summer camp planning, missing sports uniforms, realizing every single year-end celebration happens during the same week in May, smelly lunchboxes, and questioning whether we were really going to need to buy another pair of sneakers before school was out.
During my career in corporate D&I and women’s leadership, we had just wrapped up Women’s History Month in March, and in came the pressure to prove the financial ROI from March’s campaigns. April marked the shift from celebrating progress for gender equity, to needing to prove how those strategic investments were going to increase economic performance for the company. It went from feel good, to “wtf” real quick.
And then came all the Aprils since becoming an entrepreneur, combined with motherhood which some lable “mompreneur'“ ~ I hate that title ~ but I guess it definitely fits….
April 2019: I had left corporate a few moths before, and was in a simple, quiet and fun pilot mode for my idea. Everything I was doing was personal, with local friends, and under my own name. I then suffered a nasty concussion in March which sidelined me through April, shutting down my ability to show up and push the pilot forward. I soon realized that the April cycles of pause, panic, pivot that I was familiar with during corproate, could hit on this entrepreneur side too.
April 2020: The ULTIMATE pause, panic, pivot there has been, globally and personally due to the pandemic! The March 2020 reality that we were in for more than just a few cozy weeks of quarantine at home, hit very HARD in April. The Bird & Bear’s newly opened door and people centered business was shut down, and I wasn’t sure how we were going to make it. The purpose and people pause, and then panic, panic, PANIC … lead to pray, pray, pray and our eventual pivot into product ~ again years before I was ready.
April 2021: We had just opened doors to the downtown Bird & Bear, as a result of our 2020 shift into product. We introduced the downtown space in March, but then the reality of brick and mortar expenses, operations, and having to open the door and keep the lights on every dang day hit me in April….marking the beginning of our several panic, pray, panic, pray, panic ,PRAY years.
April 2022: I was proud to have made it through our first year downtown, however Covid was ramping up again and we were facing the new reality of the war in Ukraine and the significant rise in all costs. The economic crisis hit us all, and was a massive direct hit to this small business that was 100% self-funded and still trying to get established in a new community.
April 2023: I paid our taxes in April, and then panicked for the rest of the year, praying every day that God would make it clear whether I should still be doing this. 2022 and 2023 were definitely our darkest years, personally, professionally, and the only thing that got me through was faith, prayer, and the amazing people within this Bird & Bear community.
April 2024: God was making it clear that B&B should be here, however parenthood and navigating all that came with my first graduating high school kicked into full swing. She made her college decision in April, and from that day forward I had to navigate and question every day, work or family, family or work. The growing pains were real ~ personally and professionally ~ as was the familiar cycle of pause, panic, pivot, perform that I’ve faced throughout my career, motherhood and these April inspired inflection points.
In faith and gratitude, wisdom and wonder, I can say that April 2025 feels different this year. I don’t feel like I’ve been hit by a truck AGAIN. I even got away for some vacation!
I’m grateful for a new level of visibility and clarity I have yet to experience. I feel like ALL of the lessons throughout ALL the years have prepared us for this year. We are definitely still experiencing some of the cycles, mostly because the world feels pretty wild right now. And that’s just it!
Understanding that it is always going to be wild - that we have never faced this exact moment, during these exact times before - that this is the wilderness and we must believe that we are uniquely equipped to brave it.
My April trail map and field guide have TONS of notes and good reminders on how to navigate this season. They’ve brought me to this point, and I’m going to trust that they’ll provide direction around the next bend too.
So hey April, it’s nice to see you this year. Also, I forgive you and promised to stop telling everyone that I hate the month of April. Now let’s go lace our boots and prep our backpack, we need to get ready to go climb Mount “Maycember”!